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What is Spousal Abuse and Why Does it Happen.

What is Spousal Abuse?

Spousal abuse, also called domestic violence or intimate partner violence (IPV), includes physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and financial abuse within a marriage or intimate relationship. It is important to note, men can also be victims of domestic abuse.

Physical abuse – Hitting, pushing, choking, or other physical harm.

Emotional/Psychological abuse – Controlling behavior, threats, insults, intimidation, or isolation.

Sexual abuse – Forcing or coercing sexual activity without consent.

Financial abuse – Controlling money, restricting access to financial resources, or preventing employment.

Coercive control – Manipulating, isolating, or dominating a partner’s actions and decisions.

Why does Spousal Abuse Happen?

Marriages can become abusive for many complex reasons, often involving power, control, and unresolved personal issues. While abuse is never justified, understanding the underlying causes can help individuals recognize warning signs and seek help. Here are common reasons why a marriage may turn abusive:

1. Power and Control Issues

  • The abusive partner wants dominance over their spouse.
  • They use intimidation, threats, or manipulation to maintain control.
  • The abuser may believe in traditional gender roles where one partner has all the power.

2. Unresolved Trauma or Past Abuse

  • Many abusers have experienced abuse (childhood trauma, past relationships).
  • They may repeat patterns they witnessed growing up.
  • Lack of emotional regulation leads to anger outbursts or controlling behavior.

3. Mental Health & Personality Disorders

  • Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) – Leads to manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse.
  • Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – Can cause extreme emotional reactions and possessiveness.
  • Untreated depression, PTSD, or anxiety may also contribute to abusive behavior.

4. Substance Abuse & Addiction

  • Alcohol and drug abuse lower self-control and increase aggression.
  • Addiction may lead to financial abuse (stealing money, forcing a partner to support them).
  • The abuser may use substances as an excuse for their behavior.

5. Financial Stress & Economic Control

  • Job loss, debt, or financial insecurity can create tension and frustration.
  • Some abusers control all money, limiting their partner’s independence.
  • Financial abuse often keeps victims trapped in the relationship.

6. Cultural or Societal Beliefs

  • Some cultures reinforce male dominance or discourage leaving an unhappy marriage.
  • Fear of shame, stigma, or religious pressure can prevent a victim from leaving.

7. Jealousy & Possessiveness

  • The abuser may accuse their spouse of cheating or being unfaithful without reason.
  • Extreme jealousy can lead to monitoring, isolation, and control over social interactions.

8. Low Self-Esteem & Insecurity

  • The abuser may feel inadequate and use dominance to feel powerful.
  • They may belittle or degrade their spouse to boost their own self-worth.

9. Learned Behavior & Lack of Consequences

  • Some people never learn healthy conflict resolution and believe violence or manipulation is normal.
  • If society, family, or even the legal system excuses their actions, they continue the abuse.

What are Some Warning Signs of Spousal Abuse?

  • Extreme jealousy or possessiveness
  • Isolation from friends/family
  • Verbal insults, belittling, or threats
  • Controlling finances or decision-making
  • Physical violence or threats of harm
  • Gaslighting (denying abuse, making you doubt yourself)
  • Forcing or pressuring sexual activity

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available. You deserve safety and respect.

What Resources Are Available for People Experiencing Spousal Abuse in British Columbia

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available. Here are some key resources in BC:

Immediate Help & Crisis Support

  • Call 911 – If you are in immediate danger.
  • VictimLink BC (24/7, confidential, multilingual) – Call 1-800-563-0808 or text 604-836-6381 for support, including crisis intervention and safety planning.
  • BC211 – Call 211 or visit bc211.ca for local support services.

Shelters & Safe Housing

Where Can You Find Legal Help Obtaining Protection Orders

  • Legal Aid BC – Free legal help for survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-866-577-2525 or visit legalaid.bc.ca.
  • Family Justice Centres – Free help with protection orders and family law issues. Find locations: Family Justice BC
  • Protection Orders – You can apply for a restraining order through the Provincial Court if you’re at risk.

What Counseling & Support Groups are Available?

  • Battered Women’s Support Services (BWSS) – 24/7 crisis support and counseling. Call 604-687-1867 or text 604-652-1867. bwss.org
  • Stopping the Violence Counselling – Free trauma-informed counseling for women. Find services: BCSTH Directory
  • Men’s Support Services – If you’re a male survivor, reach out to The Men’s Therapy Centre: menstherapycentre.ca
  • SOWINS – South Okanagan Women in Need Society
  • FOUNDRY BC – Foundry BC has locations across BC. This resource is for youth ages 12-24 years of age
  • Churches offer a faith based support option

Would you like help finding specific resources near you? The team at Wishart Brain and Spine Law can help you find the best path forward to a safe, happy and healthy tomorrow.

Please, if you are in danger, seek immediate assistance by calling 911. Police and victim support services can help you find emergency shelter and get you protective support. It is OK to ask for help when you are in or leaving an abusive relationship.

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